Thanksgiving Pie Heaven

Linda Benson v Swamis

It seems my kids high school surf team got on an email string regarding the fight for a contest at Swamis. And it is an interesting battle. The 2010 Womens Longboarding Championship to be held at Swamis next October.

Linda Benson...Icon, hall of fame surfer, et al.. is rallied her forces to have a womens longboard pro contest at Swamis. Kassia Meador, Jenn Smith and all the girls that could be supermodels, but surf better than you together for a weekend. Sounds great, fun, Encinitas like.......

Plenty of room right?

However the Swamis locals are not too stoked. There is a real backlash against contests at Swamis. Is it a slippery slope with Huntington Pier the poster child of surf spots turned contest spots? Should we invite more people to surf a crowded Encinitas? Should they just suck it up and surf closeouts at D Street like all the other contests?

Well I get to stand on the sidelines of this one. I have an Amsterdam pass being I have only surfed Swamis twice; once when I was 13 years old on an exotic trip down from Venice and then again two summers ago. I have been out to Boneyards but have not surfed Swamis enough to have a proper say in what should be what.

Do I want a contest at Avocado Street.....No. Do I spend my fall weekends at contests...Yes.

AMBIVALENCE
Noun 1. ambivalence - mixed feelings or emotions
ambivalency
feeling - the experiencing of affective and emotional states; "she had a feeling of euphoria"; "he had terrible feelings of guilt"; "I disliked him and the feeling was mutual"
conflict - opposition between two simultaneous but incompatible feelings; "he was immobilized by conflict and indecision"

A gude to Thanksgiving for the Rich and Famous and how to deal with your family

This is like the bands who tour and ask for the red M&M's to be taken out of the bowls or they will throw a fit. I took this from Cajun Boy's website. Pretty funny parody of a ' Thanksgiving Tour Rider'

F R O M T H E A R C H I V E S

PRODUCTION RIDER
FOR KATE KERSHNER'S
HOLIDAY VISIT
HOME TOUR.

BY KATE KERSHNER

- - - -

Please note the following points that shall be adhered to on Kate Kershner's Holiday Visit Home Tour. It is in the best interest of the VENUE (i.e.: JIM and CAROL KERSHNER'S rancher on 34th St. and the inhabitants therein) that these demands be strictly followed, if the VENUE ever wishes to see the TALENT (i.e.: KATE KERSHNER) come back after the 2006 Tour. This written agreement must be agreed upon and given no amendment unless specifically addressed with the TALENT.

Please also note that this rider would be unnecessary were it not for the now-canceled OPENING ACT (i.e.: Mike Kershner, brother and ultimate betrayer of TALENT), who got a little too popular (i.e.: a little too married) to come on Tour this year. TALENT, who no longer trusts anyone after OPENING ACT left for his own fancy TOUR and new VENUE, feels it best to have everything on paper. Although this document is not legally binding, it does work in accordance with the strict legality of the OFFICIAL CONTRACT (i.e.: Kate Kershner's birth certificate, verifying JIM and CAROL KERSHNER as Parents, and thus responsible for all future happiness).

LOAD IN:

TALENT arrives alone. Upon arrival, do not ask where CREW is. Do not get clever by saying boyfriend/your friend/special friend instead of CREW. Consider VENUE forewarned that when TALENT feels VENUE can act appropriately around CREW, TALENT will bring CREW. So TALENT will be arriving alone.

TALENT will be bringing one (1) duffel bag full of laundry, and TALENT doesn't want to hear she's too old for this. TALENT will do laundry herself. Unless VENUE, you know, was already planning on doing some anyway, in which case it would probably be easier if VENUE just threw it in with whatever VENUE is doing. No big deal.

Upon LOAD IN, the following should be placed in DRESSING ROOM (i.e.: TALENT'S former bedroom, now renamed CAROL'S NEW "PURPLE ROOM," painted to accompany VENUE'S new "BLUE ROOM," which makes TALENT ache for a time when a room in VENUE could be beige):

(1) Bottle of Vodka
(1) Bottle of Tonic, and not the diet tonic that VENUE usually buys. TALENT doesn't appreciate what VENUE is trying to say when VENUE only buys TALENT diet tonic water.
(1) Bath towel, long enough to be crammed under bottom of door
(1) Fan, which should be facing out the window

Smoke detector in room MUST BE DISABLED before LOAD IN. No drinking glasses necessary.

TALENT will take thirty (30) minutes to "put stuff away" in DRESSING ROOM after load in. VENUE should leave TALENT alone for those thirty (30) minutes, even if choking coughs can be heard. TALENT is fine. Upon TALENT exiting DRESSING ROOM, VENUE should be sensitive to the fact that TALENT might have trouble with simple appliances, proper conjugation in conversation, etc. Please recall Holiday Tour 2004, when TALENT made VENUE late for Christmas Eve Mass because it took TALENT approx. one half-hour to tie her shoe. Due to the fact that TALENT was wearing boots without laces. It'll be a lot like that. Be patient.

DURING DINNER SHOW:

It is our understanding that various other acts (i.e.: SPECIAL GUESTS) will be sharing the bill with TALENT during the Kate Kershner Holiday Visit Home Tour during the DINNER segment of our show. The following is required of VENUE during DINNER, but also extends to SPECIAL GUESTS.

TOPICS THAT ARE OFF LIMITS WHEN TALKING TO TALENT:

1. TALENT'S lack of reliable employment
2. TALENT'S lack of reliable relationships
3. The story of that time TALENT pretended to be suicidal when she was 7 years old so she could find out what therapy was like, unless TALENT chooses to tell anecdote herself. No one but TALENT can tell that story with the proper context and complex nuances, and TALENT is sick sick sick of people fucking it up.
4. TALENT'S physical appearance, especially her hair color. TALENT understands she has roots, and fails to see why VENUE must mention this at every occasion. TALENT would be happy to amend the situation if VENUE would like to fork over $150 for a salon touchup. No? That's what TALENT thought.
5. TALENT'S complicated financial situation
6. Probably best to avoid politics, books of a high-minded literary nature, foreign films, and music that doesn't have words. TALENT feels stupid when these are discussed and accidentally lies about her knowledge of them, which makes TALENT feel bad and drink more. Keep in mind: Keeping TALENT happy is legally binding to VENUE in accordance with OFFICIAL CONTRACT.

RECOMMENDED TOPICS WHEN TALKING TO TALENT:

1. Brokeback Mountain. TALENT knows it came out last year, but TALENT just saw it for the second time and thinks she has some pretty interesting things to say about it.
2. Celebrities. Especially any anecdotes about meeting them/seeing them somewhere. Jake Gyllenhaal sightings will be rewarded with robust conversation.

The following should be placed on or near the table at DINNER:

(2) Bottles of wine per person at table, preferably something cheap so VENUE doesn't bitch about how expensive it was during the course of the entire evening
(1) Bowl of mashed potatoes, skin ON. SKIN IS WHERE THE VITAMINS ARE.
(2) Bowls of stuffing, one cornbread and one plain. If there is so much as half a raisin in the stuffing, TALENT will immediately leave the table and possibly the city.

More food, at the VENUE'S discretion. Please check ahead with TALENT, however. And make sure not to have anything with honey. TALENT doesn't mind the taste, but it leaves her fingers sticky, which annoys her.

LOAD OUT:

TALENT will require the following items on leaving the premises:

(1) Leftover container of every dish served at dinner
(1) Flask of alcohol, filled from VENUE'S liquor cabinet
(1) Pack of double-A batteries, provided by VENUE
(1) Copy of Sports Illustrated, provided by VENUE
(1) Old hair dryer, provided by VENUE
(1) Box of envelopes, provided by VENUE
(3) Books that VENUE recommends, and provides
(1) Duffel bag of clean clothes
(50) Dollars, for travel expenses

With all the TALENT'S demands met, we anticipate 2006 to be the best Holiday Visit Home Tour so far!

A Surfers Guide to Thanksgiving / How to surf in the morning without being sent to the kid's table 1.2

I love Thanksgiving! A real holiday for a surfer. The idea of showing up and eating has hit my core values. Although our waves on Thanksgiving have been a bust over the last few years (6 it's been reported by local sources), I have scored great waves over the years on T Day. There are some rules, decorum and to do lists to survive this day with success.


From Surfline
LOCAL NORTH SAN DIEGO SURF FORECAST (Surf sizes are face heights of the front of the waves)
Thursday 11/26 SURF: 1-2 ft - ankle to knee high occasionally 3 ft. and poor to fair
conditions.
Friday 11/27 FAIR TO GOODSURF: 3-5 ft. - waist to head high and fair to good conditions.
Possible, new WNW swell builds in; Thanksgiving according to Wetsand, But Surfline is telling you to bring out your log.

Who Cares either way, you have to surf this day! I have successfully surfed almost every Thanksgiving since I was 13 years old and done the family thing too. Here are the rules:

1) Do not leave San Diego

(Pic from National Lampoon Vacation)
... unless you are going to a surf destination. We live in San Diego if your relatives need you to come to dinner with them in Kansas they have things backwards. The last time I left on Thanksgiving it was 4-6 foot and 80 degrees and I got in a car with my 1 and 3 year old boys to drive for 8 hours to Nor Cal OUCH!

2) Pick your time of battle.
Most Thanksgiving meals start between 3-5 meaning you have to surf before noon, which brings us to rule 3.

3) You need three hours to surf.
My coaching is that you go from 8-11am. This gives you time to get up early and do something before you leave..offer and complete three chores before you leave (watch the young kids, get out the tables, go to the store..etc.) You can still be back by 11:30 showered and ready to help.


4) Do something.
You should know how to make some dish. Don't do the Turkey that is advanced and too time consuming. Make mashed potatoes, or a green been dish or some gravy. Have one thing you can do that is conspicuous and keeps you from getting the look like you have not done anything. If you can't make something bring something good. Buy the expensive wine, spirits and real Coke (not Diet) for the kids.

5) Manners!

I Know you have been up since 5am and surfed three hours, but this is one day you can't plop on the couch holding the clicker in the fetal position with your blankey over you. You have in laws and relatives you only see once a year. They will talk fondly of you during the year to your spouse. This investment is golden like you shorted the bank stocks in July. When your wife calls her relatives and friends to complain that you spend your weekends on the couch post surf with blankey they will stand up for you. Make a good impression, offer the older people drinks right away, hold small children.

6) Be interested not interesting!

No one cares about the good left you got at Cactus Wall this morning! Really! Save it for Friday in the lineup where your friends will understand. Logan told me he started his first year of Middle School trying to hang out with his old pals from Elementry school However once he found the surf team, why hang with anyone else when you are 12 years old. His team mates will be able to tell tall tales of surf and surfing over and over again to eachother with the same stoke as we used to. Your family does not want to hear it again. This day is a great dayto keep your family stories alive.

7) Drink Early not often.

The buzz you get around 4:45 will keep you going until 7. But you can't get hammered. This is bad form especially with children and the parents around. Not being able to hold your liquor is like bailing your board while paddling out on a small day.

8) Let the Family Feud Go.

Hand Bill

Sunscreen

No, this is not Jody Foster in the poster. This was done in 1953. It wasn't until Jody Foster did a commercial in 1963 that she joined Coppertone.
We used 'nosecoat' by Coppetone growing up. It didn't work at all. We experimented with zinc oxide, but it would just take off the skin of your nose.

The New York Times had an article by TARA PARKER-POPE last spring to tell us what is what about sunscreen. It was called The Numbers Game

Her Research showed that the number really were irrelevant. You just have to use about a shot glass of sunscreen for it to do any good. We tried it and it was too much. However if you use sunscreen you are in better shape than the people that don't use it. If you like a certain sunscreen whether it is Bull Frog or Alligator it is good, because you are using it. If one is 45 and the other is 80 there is really no difference according to the Authors research. It is all about just putting something on.

My mom convinced a group of us in Santa Cruz that the sunscreen would keep us warm on our faces in the 48 degree water and near freezing mornings. We bought it and used it religiously. I have been lucky not to have any legions, but I get checked yearly.


I put in the Sunscreen Song for good measure.

On the Beach

Lucas getting ready for his heat with Coach Liz.

My problem with the ISF contest season this year is that the Middle School contest and High School contest are on the same weekend. This makes for a marathon session of two days at the beach watching. I bring my board, but usually am too swept away in the competition to surf. This week was complicated by my second bee sting in so many weeks. The doctor medicated me into some benadryl and pain pill stupor and I was ready for the end. Hence my reference to the 1959 movie On the Beach

Making matters a bit worse was the contest site at Ocean Beach 'Avalanche'. The water quality makes Cardiff at low tide seem like pure spring drinking water. This together with the 'dog beach' scene made an interesting mix of odors.



But enough about me. Here is the report. The waves were firing each morning a bit bigger on Saturday for the High School Contest. Then low tide came in the afternoon making for some pounding walled up waves. Lucas was 'one and done' eliminated after standing up after the horn. The good news is that he has made the A team, the bad news is that he has to surf as a freshman against the other A teams. Heavy competition but pretty exciting to watch the talent of the High School surfers.

Logan did well blasting his way through the first heat and getting eliminated before the semi's. He caught a bomb on the first wave of the contest in the first heat and rode it to the sand. He paid me back for all my whining over the weekend. My inner stage mother was quenched. There is something to learn form the experience. At this age the kids need to learn how to lose with grace and win with integrity.

Will I blow off the next contest and drop them off.......not a chance!

Bee dilemma

So for the last two weekends the bee's have had it in for me. Last Saturday BANG right on my hand which quickly puffed up like a polish sausage. Being a hypochondriac I spent the rest of the weekend in some kind of benadryl stupor.

Last night I went into the spa and again I was hit on the back of my arm. This time I pretended that it didn't happen until around noon when I was at the High School surf contest and my right arm was doing a Popeye the Sailor Man thing.

So off to Kaiser where they quickly medicated me and gave me the good news that the reactions will become progressively worse.

I am going to pray for forgiveness and charity to Ah-Muzen-Cab. The Mayan Bee God will surely help me.

"The Finest Surf Film Ever Made!"

Towards the end of 8th Grade I cut school with the rest of my Friends from Mark Twain Jr. High School in Venice. We left around Noon to show up at the Santa Monica Civic about 1pm. It was the event of the year.

Five Summer Stories was premiering.

I don't know how it had so much hype back then without the help of the Internet, twitter, facebook or cell phones, but we were on it. I remember waiting through my classes for lunch with my co-conspirators with the excitement of .....of...well going to my first Surf Movie.

My sister was there of course. She was two years older and much cooler than me and had no time for me and my fledging surf buddies. Some, who would become future skateboard celebrities, some would become junkies and some would reach some form of normalcy although we came from Venice. We sat on the cement parking lot in front of the Civic for almost 8 hours waiting for this movie.


At the time I was a grom with little talent for surfing, but the virus had taken. It is hard for me to understand just how stoked I was for the event. We had no money whatsoever and had to pool our resources just to make a few runs to the local liquor store for chips and sodas. I think the entry was $3 a veritable fortune in the day but I had my ticket and went in.

Unfortunately, the band 'Honk' played before they played the movie. We wanted surfing on the giant screen, not a concert so they were booed off the stage. We did not put the music to the movie or the sound to the surfing until we saw it. (We would all pay good money for their album soon thereafter).


During the movie, Anton and I sat next to some girls about our age from the exotic town of Culver City. We were in heaven. The movie delivered. The first shot of Pipeline had us all standing and screaming.

We got to see John Lamb's cartoon in the film


Later I would surf with John for several years before someone told me he did the animation for the movie. John is an original Avocado local. I was an interloper but he and the crew welcomed me in to share some waves at his spot.

In the end we spent the summer pursuing the Culver City girls and surfing small terrible waves of Santa Monica/Venice trying to show a bit of style. Every take off was Pipeline, and every pose was our imitation of Lopez in two foot closeouts. It was wonderful................

San Clemente

So talking about turns and breaks, brings me to Saturday that was my finest day as a stage mom. Logan absolutely went for broke. He made his first NSSA final, with full bragging rights and a shiny trophy to take home.


Logan looking self satisfied next to his friend Jordan on the right.

My schedule was as follows:

6am leave for San Clemente, we stayed until
2pm when the finals where finished. I was then stung by a bee which brought on a benedryl stupor.
6:30 the twins 16 birthday extravaganza
8:00 Awards ceremony for Speech Tourny

Resolved

I have been getting into the debate world as a good stage mother. So here are all the debate terms that you never wanted to know and were not afraid to ask:

LD: Lincoln Douglas debate format

AFF: Affirmative

Neg: Negative

Hit: When you go against an opponent. 'I hit him in the Long Beach Tourney"

Spreading: When someone talks very fast to get their facts out from Speed Reading.

Turn: To get an advantage and win a point from your opponent

Speaks: Speaker Points which are awarded during each round and are used to determine winners

Lay Judges or Mommy Judges: Amateur judges that do not understand the rules

Breaking, to Brake: To Advance to the next round


Lucas and Elliot Turned their opponents on the aff and neg rounds and were able to break to Win the whole tournament for SDA!

I saw this last night

This was the Stranglers with Dave Greenfield who was a classical trained musician who played Harpsichord and synthesized it. For some reason it reminds me of skiing. I spent a good deal of time on the mountains when I was younger. This was part of the soundtrack of my life at the time. I however never moved to snowboarding and find the ocean much lower impact on my energy, psychie and wallet.

There is a good part of the movie Snatch where this song is put in for a fight scene.